Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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