I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
