It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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