none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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