Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
there is glitter all over my balls
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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