If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
