sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
