Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
