Whod you bang
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
