He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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