is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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