i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
