Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
