please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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