i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
