I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize