This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
