So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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