I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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