the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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