She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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