Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
