Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
