I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
