I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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