Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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