Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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