we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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