i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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