I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
