they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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