question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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