Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
