Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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