I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
