You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
