That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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