Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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