Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
