Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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