I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
