I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
True strength comes from lack of pants
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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