After last night, I could never be a politician.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
