come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
