Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
