NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
