Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
