Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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