I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
