I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
