Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
