You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
