U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
