Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
