I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
