you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
