I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
