Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
