he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
