Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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