Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
