The maid of honor just puked.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
They are going to name an STD after you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
