we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
