pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
