sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
