I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
