my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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