I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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