shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
