and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
