is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
